not really liking this much

Hang on, I'm going to get another cup of coffee, drain the pot.. and put a Dr Pepper in the freezer for haffan hour or so. And.. so .. not liking this so much hesed. Mostly I meant the Blogger experience, it's been HUGELY unsatisfying.. less so, even, than the LJ and for the same reason(s) to a greater extent. I want readers and I want feedback/commentary from said readers. The LJ sorta came w/a "built in" audience because I was graciously plugged into the small camp of slashettes and they'd generously comment, usually even tho' I never wrote any fics after my "inital public offering." Here.. well, there's txmi but she seems uninclined to comment.

That's NOT really a criticism, it's merely an observation. I write nearly endlessly, share, prob'ly, too much and when I do.. I'm looking for somekinda reaction.
And then there's the thing that's REALLY on my mind. The slashettes, some of them, are coming to my city next weekend. This is the sort of nondilemma which stresses me way much more than it should. I can't imagine NOT going to see them and I can't imagine how I could manage it and survive as a married man. My wife so strongly disapproves of my contacts and connection w/those wimmin that.. well I'd have to commit atrocious crimes against her trust and our covenant to make the meet w/the slashettes. Maybe we'll be out of town. We were the relative last time, um.. the singular she, the celebrated authoress was in the city, and tho' it preyed much and long on my feeble mind, there was absolutely no way to get to see.. her. And that made it.. lessay easier to bear. THIS time, tho'.. there's the opportunity to meet @ least one of the gals I've done so much work for and never met. The -real- mind fuck, tho', is the possiblity that ..she.. will fly in and OUT of IAH, a scant ten or twelve miles from my home. How easy could it be to ease down that road to chat her up before she departs forever again?

How freakin' crazy am I to consider such.. exigencies? One of the cornerstones of the personal paradigm izzat the FIRST time she left forever precipitated my "very public meltdown." What kinda mad, sad, fool would volunteer for that kind of pain.. again?

The hell of this this is my own realization that I -am- such a mad, sad, fool.. professing to love and cherish my wife but ready to make it a lie w/my actions.

-km-