USUALLY, this would go up @ A Muse (my LiveJournal site) and it pro'ly will.. later, but I thought I'd put it ..y'know HERE. It's not so much showing off as making a point.
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I'm going to go get under the mask and ibetcha I can slip thru' the gates of slumberland w/in ten or fifteen min. If not, I'll prob'ly be back in the relative here clutching a pen for a while. The pen stuff is usually more "soothing" than typing; I figure it has something to do w/the slower and more "controlled" rate of composition. It's JUST a theory.
SatAM annibetcha whatever "this" is will get dropped into the em journal when I have an op to do the drop. Psycho stuff first.. since it was so nearly successful yesterday, I expect to be eating li'l chips of chill pill like M&Ms today. the first quarter's now @930AM. I've been up for over an hour, mainly in converse w/the perfect child. we talk music where we really have no common ground except that we both like it a lot and like talking about it. I started waking around 330AM, that's sorta to be expected after the sleep aid @ ten or elevenpm whenever it was that it went in. I did go back to bed and started waking again around sixAM.. that's a guess, of course, since I can't read the clock from the bed w/out my glasses. and then it was a string of prob'ly twenty or forty min snatches lotsa vivid dreams about school and rotten testy situations. Okay, I could start ranting about the malicious interface @ any moment. There are things about this older version of Word that i'm starting NOT to like and not to like in BIG ways.. to begin w/I've had to save the doc as a Word piece, 'cause I'm getting some undesirable results in the txt format. I guess I can stand that for a while, if I can get the page stable and looking the way I expect it to. Oh, here's a note I need to get in. txmichele77 I did manage to go over to the G blog this AM using Jen's machine, and the audience of one has not left a comment on my rclatest post. I wanted to send her a note thru' her email and let her know that I my home machine had died. Well.. stuff. You know how vain Ken is going to scramble to try to keep a possible reader stringin' along. So, I was headed into a bitch about the way the dream thing got truly annoying and after five or six trips thru' that portal I was past ready to get out of bed.. plus I was starting to feel that "feeling" that I COULD nearly easily stay in bed all day and I regard that as a very bad sign. Also in the very bad sign dept., the fact that I had to type that last line twice, having lost it when I closed the doc. I'm going to spend ALL my time w/this machine learning how to use it again and then replace the motherfucker! I've forgotten how easily shit gets lost. I reckon iota start backing up everything.. heh, everything, that's one doc. Sigh, grumble grumble. This could get to be not a lot of fun in a hurry. AND w/out the smurf the distractive fun part is gone. Oh well, I reckon we'll survive. Let's see how this worx out.. I've started the save to the machine's drive, instead of the li'l disk. I think, but I'm not completely sure, that the save to the hard drive is a second or two quicker.. yeah, but I kinda still need to get into the habit of hitting ctrl S every time I let my hands rest for more than a second or so. AND I'll want to save it to the portable disk so I can take it school Mon and move this stuff onto the j'drive. This is sooo complicated. It shouldn't be, imean the task itself is easy enough.. familiar, and all that, but there are lotsa li'l dingy things that hafta go along w/the task to keep it going. That's the way it has to be for a while. and very probably, after I get a new machine, which I DO see as kind of inevitable, I'll have to learn a whole new set of protocols. Ah change. yeah, I checked, it takes less than a second to do the save to the em drive and fifteen or twenty to save the piece to the portable disk. I'm gonna guess its slow because of the overwriting; when I was doing the occasionally casual save to the floppy, it only took three or four seconds. Still, that's sorta the way it has to be. I'll do the casual save to the em drive and back it up to the floppy, um, occasionally. 1030AM. I reckon it's about time to be thinking about getting showered and having a day. 1140AM, showered, fed, fresh coffee and Cope. Jen's still bedded but not for long.. her phone rang and it's kinda past socalled time for her to be getting up. I don't think i've mentioned that I really like the new old k'board. it's.. got a weird familiarity. this is the one I used when I did all my learning to stream stuff in San mar and it FEELS like.. well I guess it feels like an old friend. It seems to me that when I do get a min or few to sit, that the stream runs more freely than it has in ages. Prob'ly not really that way, but it seems that way anyhoos. Maybe it's because I can't go anywhere w/this machine except into the text and, for a while that's only the relative THIS text. And for all the bitchin' I've done, I really do like the machine, too. 386.. that prob'ly doesn't mean anything to most of y'all. @ the time Jeff built it, that was the top of the line, fastest processor chip on the market. Windows for Workgroups v3, Word v6..OLD stuff and it doesn't crash. Prety much the only time i've lost data was from shuffling disks and not saving properly. Mostly. There was an occasion when Jen went in and trashed all my files. THAT kinda sucked. In the grand scheme of things tho', i've probably misplaced @ least as much data as i've lost.. case in point, two boxes of 5" disks w/abuncha DisplayWrite files on 'em.. complete mystery as to their whereabouts. oh well, them's the breaks, eh. So here sits Ken doing the idle spew and it feels better than it has .. for a long time. I'm givin' credit to the k'board. Maybe I can talk my'elf into doing some school stuff in a while. I've been outside crushing cans and I'm going back out to check fluids on the cars.. maybe pull a weed. It would not be unreasonable to say I'm hiding from Jen.. but I'll never admit it. Okey dokey, I found the boxes of dw3 files and done a couple of conversions to make sure I know how.. I do. The trick now is figuring out how to get a reading on how much space is left on the little (3") disks I'm putting the converted files on. The control panel on the desktop is no use @ all and I haven't even found something like My Computer which would easily show properties, such as space avail, anywhere in the options. Oh well, I think there's a place in dw3 that'll tell me how much space is left on a disk. I reckon that's the next thing to check. Hmm, that seemed to work out well. I found a few disks that have been corrupted somehow and can't be opened. One in particular is a tragic loss, it's transcriptions of the early nery stuff. Anyhow.. so it'll be a project, converting and moving the files. DisplayWrite has a utility that converts the files, or portion if you so choose, to plain text. Actually, it creates a plain text version, the source file is still there in dw3. I've converted most of these files before, I think.. but it's a fun thing to do and i've got plenty of room for multiple versions so that's no biggie.
By elevenpm I've had a couple of naps and converted everything that can be. Here's a sample.
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One day, this will get to be important. Take my word for it. Anyhow, it's christmas in june '93 and R'zan is over w/ Honey's invitation for the first time in a long time.. since before Christmas for sure.. and she's looking smaller than ever. that's the dangerous part, that I even looked.. and I'm loading up on whisky and all of a sudden, the op to recover a large part of the absent T hole looms nearly near. Funny how shit like that worx out. I couldn't begin to sort out how any of this shit matters or ranx in imagined importance ttcdto Tonight's The Night. One thing for sure, tho'.. it's kind of a fuckin' shame that I got this drunk before I started jammin'. Or maybe that's the only way it could have been. All I know for sure.. I do seem to be on a for sure kick.. All I know is it's Madonna in the headphones and I was trying to say that I've got a large buzz underway and it feels good to be here and I think it's been quite a while since I have been.. back here and jammin'. And considering that Baby's out there and I'm feeling mainly loose, I'd say that this is AN historic occasion. Maybe we'll see some evidence of history being made sometime shortly. Or, maybe not. Oh, like it matters, the Madtune is Papa Don't Preach. And the shifty's to Love&.. And I must say that Giggles has been pointed at. I mean to say that fun's fun and it does get much wilder and even in my own lifetime and vision it happens over &.. well I must say the most wremarkable thing about the whole ordeal wremains that I can FIND the keyboard, and to be able to nearly find my way around the k'board, well I think you all shoulc be as impressed as I am. And then there's the whiskey. And the tail. And the imagined approved flashed ass.. I don't b'lieve stranger things HAVE happened.. and I don't b'lieve they're fixin' to. Hey. Give n take, write. So ultimately, I went back to watch the gals for a while and nobody was fixin' to give anything up so I loaded up the cup for another overflow round and came back here. Like it matters to someone but me.. butt.. me.. yeah, I thought I made it entirely too clear that I'd like to see that butt.. and see how it fits in my hand.. Giggle on.. so for wreasons of her own, Baby's doing the Mad remote shift and so I must admit to a bit of improvisational lickin'.. in purely imaginary creases..I nearly got my eyes lost on strainin for the wide peak. Oh, I shudder to think what all the referential background is for that line.. and I'm thankful that I don't have to sort it out.. lost and peak I guess carry all the meaning load.. wide too 'cause .. and I did get .. write what.. write about it.. man I can't even think about it.. yeah, trippin' hard on R'zan being around and just dedicated to trippin.. gettin' all frantic about everyone's motivation in the first and each subsequent place.
And frantic s'more when the gals sneak out for a couple of hours ..
and then watchin' like I can't when they get back.. it's so weird.. and what if there was some bullshit wrecip.. I have sincerely snagged a ness here.. feelin' dedicated to describing what I must not see.. figurin' that the imagined you can figure it out and hoping you can't..
the code. Yeah, and now I'm thinking comp and other wild improbable shit. I keep feeling I could nearly get untracked and I smack the fence and fall write into space.. y'know what I mean.. I mean I want to write but I'm afraid to.. like it does matter and if I say Giggles is, then truer words have not been writ. And I can't stand the heat, even if it's the imaginary warmth of steamy muff.. please understand that I would like each of you to feel the actuality that isn't and never was but I don't want you to think I did it w/ wishcraft.. but of course I understand that I put that notion in motion too.. and it's crafty all write.. it's the pen-disclaimer..
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hesed > figurin' that the imagined you can figure it out and hoping you can't <
How classic is that? So.. lessee, June '93.. Jen and I have been together for ten years, she's barely pregnant w/the perfect child, I'm working @ the Center.. my SoC styling, the stream, looks almost like it does fifteen years later.
Yet s'more sampling, 'cause it's handy and easy..
\/ \/ \/
Yes, friends, it's more of the same; going down the Stream of Consciousness again. Exploring the mysteries of Ken. Without the aid (or hindrance) of "herbal inspiration." So what's on my mind this AM ? That reminds me that i "ought" to get the timeset in: it's 3/23/83 @ 2:10, AM. I've done a little minor straightening up in the room. I'm sure that counts for something.
I'm sitting here listening to a year-old radio tape. I'm entirely too mellow. I must keep that in mind and " pick it up."
As in, be more aware of how SLOW i talk, after all, it IS AM radio and AM jox talk fast. Good ole "Ken Kasual." I know that dude; he's good. This is NO good; i can't get untracked. I've been sitting here for five minutes. I'll take a break and look around for something to inspire me.
I'm back, that's clear enough. It's ten 'til four, AM. An all-nighter in the making. Making for a long day culminating in my radio show this evening. Something to look forward to, i'm sure. I can't say that i'm any more inspired that i was before the break, mainly more bored and this machine is my chief form of entertainment.
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I decided to move the margins, y'see, to account for the drift of the roll on the carriage. No biggie. With any luck at all, in an hour or so, i'll get into the shower. That's my short-term goal... to get into the shower. Also, i'd like to get to the bottom of of this roll and start something
"substantial."
Whatever that means. Where did i get the idea that i'm gonna live forever. It's really getting in the way, now. I think it's the main barrier between me and "discipline." But i could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time. Deep down inside, in a vain way, i feel like i was born for greatness. I still like to thing that someday, i can organize this mindless rambling into a cohesive statement. But what is that statement? Some kind of "Why Me," kind of tale, i guess. Only time will tell, and as i say, i feel like i have plenty of time. All the time in the world. No REAL deadline. Catch my drift, o anonymous reader? The audience question... Who am i writing this for? For me, at this stage of the game, my readers are still within physical reach. Do you have any questions? Speak up, i'm right here. Doubtlessly, in the same room with any reader that might have been invited to peruse this manuscript. Now why would i invite someone to read this?
To collect a little praise, of course. That's my style. Ttto Beast Of Burden, the Stones, y'know. I wonder what the connection is... only time will tell, again. You DO realize, dear reader, that ttto stands for "to the tune of" and refers to the tunes on the stereo as i sit and type... Well, you do now, i trust. I mean, why would i lie about something like that? Trust me, i wouldn't. Why is the tune important? It may not be; it's just something inoticed, i say i noticed, going on around me and it got committed to paper. That's my style, too.
Like the timeset, 4:01, AM; it seemed important at the time i was sitting here rapping on the keyboard. That doesn't mean it IS important. I mean, what is MEANING?
Just playing thaos,, um, those mind games as J. Lennon said. Well i'm moving on down the roll at a brisk clip. I like that. It's the sort of thing that keeps me at this gig. Progress, real and/or imagined. Down the roll and into the tube. Is this any way to live? Well, it's not uncomfortable. In fact, as i've said, it's kind of a thrill for me just to cover up the paper with my own words. Vanity... i did this and much more, very much like it. It's not great- but i like to think it has it's "moments." It's not what you call a living; it's a pass-time.
Lieke.. huh? I was going t= go.. i was going for the timeset..4:08, AM. Just to show that time still goes on. As if someone out there might forget. I mean, in spite of the recurring timeset, this stuff is, in a sense, timeless. It's always more or less irrelevant. I want a Pulitzer Prize. Is that so much to ask? A little prestigious recognition. This might be the best time for me to take another break; this time (4:13) to take a shower. But maybe not. I'm pretty flexible in these matters. I think what i'll do is "freshen up" my dip and then come back and try to psyche myself into quitting this noxious habit, once and for all. But mostly for me, just to show that i can. Yes, i MUST quit dipping. It's nasty and unsatisfying.
Unsatisfying unless i need a fix. Then it does satisfy that
fleeting need.
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YUP, another sample, from a decade earlier, in case I needed support for my posit that the more things change, the more they stay the same. That bit was writ, um, I'd guess about a month before I started hanging out w/Jen annabout a year plus two weeks before we wed on 4-7-84.
Once more, w/feeling.. Sun 2-01-09 @2AM. I'm pretty sure it's Feb, now. The Ambien's in. I managed to get thru' Sat w/a couple of naps and no cooking or schoolstuff accomplished. That oughta make for some interesting and tense daylight hours. Something to look forward to, I'm sure. Oh, I started another file, smutty bits clipped from the conversions. Me and the machine, what a team. I'll try to make a point of getting the relative this file shipped to the slashettes Mon. I woulda liked to get the the first chunk posted to my Gooblog, but that aint going to happen. The blog can't be reached from the school and.. okay, I s'pose it's POSSIBLE to move the piece from the j'drive to the blog thru' Jen's machine. It's a LOT more likely that I'd send it to txmichele thru' the email. Let's burn that bridge when we come to it. I'm headed for the mask, y'all. Watch for me and keep my spot warm, eh?
I pulled in some more "samples" while I was finishing up the conversions Sun, and that or they will probably be the reason I don't get this chunk mailed to the slashettes. I think I want to do some commentary about why the bits were picked and I know they need some brushing before they're presentable. I think tho' that the reason for bringing BOTH of 'em in.. there two bits, probably writ w/in a year or so of each other(possibly days or hours) AND they show... lessay "elements" that show up in my RaT tale. Of course, the discourse is deeply coded; s'more of that "maybe you unnerstan but I kinda hope you don't" stuff. But y'only hafta ask.
Man, it's Thursday, the very last day of Feb 91. I'm struggling to
keep the medication ahead of a toothache and hiding out in the office while the in laws shuffle around in the morning haze/ I really need John to come by ASAP and help out with the medicinal angle/ oh well/ an interesting thing was set up and knocked down yesterday - I'm not at all sure that I can say enough about it with out getting into some dreadful truth/ but alas I bet no sense can be made without considerable wreal explanation/ so this may not get told/ well it's so weird/ I think I said troubling once before/ yeah that fits too/ but look at it this way if I manage to get it down then I'll have a powerful base to work from/ a place to stand while I move the world as it were/ Ok, the thing is this um/ star quality/ yeah I had one of the dark files open to a section where that phrase was dropped in/ and also the phrase questionable tension/ yeah and these two are connected with the boy/boy stuff/ homosexuals?/ hey not so loud/ you carved it in stone and act like you're worried about the word getting out/ ok look, see this is how I get seriously flipped out/ and the ho ho line/ there's actually quite a bit of it/ so we've got some uh/ smutty tales where a dick goes into a guy's face/ I can't believe it - how did this happen?/ well see, I'm convinced that this is a by product of having seen that kind of stuff at the palace/ so in a situation a tad reminiscent of the scene where um H1 and T2 are doing the highlights on the um viewer um/ well it does sound like a good one/ well, it's one of those synchro things that gets set up to test the bounds of the paradigm/ I guess/ and likewise this dance I'm doing now/ well this is tough - you\I\we never wreally know who will see this/ look it's almost for certain no one will ever see this without an invitation/ ok, so John was back here and I had the pair of phrases in question on the screen and he asked about questionable tension/ and I couldn't explain it then but the words were there/ and/ well the explanation wasn't on the screen actually but I had the definite impulse to put them there/ and so John's question went unanswered/ maybe I wanted him to ask instead about the star quality/ that would be easier to deal with?/ well no/ go ahead and put the terrible phrase down and see if you can leave it in/ whip it out?/ yeah something along those lines/
I was about to reintroduce the question about questionable tension/ y'see it wrelates to letting a particular interested party into the WIS file and the motive for doing so/ hence questionable/ and the tense part is a ref to expectations/ expected reaction/ yeah that too/ y'see um it's an expansion sort of on the viewer thing/ with the drift towards viewing the expansion/ I can live with that ref/ I'm a curious fellow/ that's a bit of understatement/ so how to precipitate the anticipated action/ yeah but why/ use the curious umbrella/ fine/ so the deal is that the point of putting the WIS on display is to get that something else on display/ and then what/ well as Ted Kennedy sed we'll drive off that bridge when we come to it/ but the expected exposure/ the anticipated action/ might lead to the unspeakable/ and of course that possibility is at the root/ so to speak/ of the questionable tension/ I need to take another couple of asprins to stay ahead of the toothache/ and so during the desperate distraction I went for the set up again at the WIS/ well it was so close anyway to the situation outline of a scene somewhere else with the file going by a couple of bits carrying lines um/ the line/ yeah that one too/ go ahead and input it and see how long it lasts/ um I'd suck that one/ there/ well it's been said before/ and do you suppose that line would prompt the hoped for exposure?/ well yeah I do/ I'm not so sure and I'd bet anyway that you'd have to repeat it to get any response at all/ and since there's little or no chance that the line will be sprung anyway the whole trip is pretty much moot/ but it still makes for an interesting tale/ but who would I ever want to read it?/ hmmm
move the laundry to the drier/
You only hafta ASK.. it was s'posed to be my exit line. I let tenpm get by, the Ambien's in; I still need to move the file onto the floppy and get it to the school w/me so it can go out Mon. I still won't be able to post the first bit to the Gooblog tho', 'cause that whole category of sites (including LJ) is blocked. So, I thought I'd let the sleep aid start percolating before I headed bedward. maybe I'll switch media, even tho' I rilly like the new old k'board, the slower pace of the pen prob'ly IS more conducive to the result I want.. sleep.
Monpm.. getting a fourth hit of chill going ahead of the chemical fade. Doncha love the mania? well, yeah, actually I do. And I love the new old k'board. I prob'ly ought to set up a couple of frames if I'm going to keep fucking around in this hole, and it looks like I will be, for a while. THIS isn't even the hole I want to be playing in. Heh. Woddimean is, I started a file of germinal smut. Well, nearly all the bit I clipped into the "creep" file are little streamed snippets that run a dozen or so lines, barely suggesting somethinglike a story.. but it's sixteen or seventeen pages deep. I s'pose big chunks of that is the fab Monster tale and the maybe legendary Couple of Beasts. Oh yeah, there's also a nearly lengthy thing I called Brad and Nancy. Wooo. I'm going to suppose that I'll wind up putting the malignant seven in that spot, too. There's a simple and nearly embarrassing reason for making that collection and storing it on this machine.. I miss the smurf. Of course, it would be exceedingly bad form to be "caught" playing in that, um, field. The display on this machine is HUGE. I've moved the font size down to 8pt but, I'm sure if Jen walked up behind me, she'd be able to read the whole screen in a second. When I was running the 10pt font, I had set the zoom @ 80% and it still looked huge. There's probably no net gain, moving down to 8pt since then I had to move the zoom back to 100. I'm gettin more characters to the line tho', annikinda like that. I'm still earning how to get shit like line length right. I always use defaults but they seem to be.. not where i'd want 'em most of the time. It's the malicious interface.. Word. I've got to get to bed it's a quarter 'til elevenpm. I got s'more of the untend taken care of but it's still going to be a day and the way I handle t'morrow will likely have a tremendous effect on how the rest of the week goes. Say good night, Ken.
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