wow.. got it up again so quickly

(living better w/chemistry)

Ah.. strike a formerly familiar pose.. feet up on the huge desk w/the k'board in my lap. The wireless is really good for that. So.. am I afraid of the noise or afraid of the quiet?
Why does it hafta be fear?
It's something Glynda suggested.
Ahhh, the wise one. Yeah, It's good to have her back, but.. well she's.
She says she's fine but she's not.. imean she...
What?
I dunno. It IS good to have her back where I can see her. Glynda was slippin' away before the tragedy, now she's nearly absent.. and I don't know how to bring her back. I suppose that she doesn't want to BE back.
You definitely need to get back into therapy. Yeah, I won't argue that point; the thing is, I don't know what I want to get from therapy.
Well, for a while, there's that hole that's going to open when school ends and you lose contact w/George and Glynda. And, y'know Glynda will be gone forever. Yeah, but ibetcha it'll be easier to bear than losing "her replacement."
You crack me up.
I'm glad you're so easily amused.
Sometimes it needs to be that way.
I could easily dope up and go to bed.
It'd probably be easier to get bedded rcnow than after the girls get back. I didn't and I haven't. I'm going to clip this chunk, close the spot and move to the relative actual em doc, oh nine.
And so I have, sort of. The relative actual thing refs to the way I’ve started keeping the “master” doc on my desktop and occasionally backing that version onto the j’drive. Yeah.. and the relative last time I tried to back up the files between the two j’drives I got seriously frustrated and it didn’t get done. There’s simply too much clutter.
FUCK ! ! I absolutely can’t believe it’s after 130AM again. Didn’t this happen yesterday, too? Well, I s’pose that I’ll load up the Dambien and try to follow the chemical trail into Slumberland. I know worse things have happened and now that I think about it, it’s not even nearly the worst that’s happened in.. ohh.. the last twelve hours.
Are you going to take the pill or not?
Yeah. How are we set for frames?
Frames, really, you want to mess w/THAT? Fine. Y’like the ten or fifteen?
I’ll almost always pick the fifteen.
Ready when you are.
1) click. So Michelle finds that gesture distracting. Ahhh, that’s JUST a shame. I’ll tell y/what’s distracting and that’s what happens when you forget what’s s’posed to be
2) going on and hit the return key instead. Yeah, that’s less fun than usual.. MUCH less fun than usual. SO.. yeah.. so.. got the Stones in the shuffle Playin’ w/Fire.
3) Or somethinglke that. Yeah and there’s the shift.. the really slow shift. Sounds like maybe something live. I know this song. Yeah I bet you do. I can’t pick it up yet.. can’t immedia
4) whoops I missed my drop trying to identify the guitar. Ahh, it’ll be all right. Could it be Zappa? I’m sure it could be,
5) but I kinda don’t think so. It’s more likely to be Satriani. Yeah, I could believe that. I may hafta give up a few seconds and bring up the MediaPlayer screen to see what’s
6) going on. Yeah.. it took about a minute and it WAS Zappa. Now the Stones have come back w/Brown Sugar. This is not going to make a good read. Oh
7) please, if you haven’t learned by NOW that it’s not always going to be sparkling and erudite then you really are bound for .. well another load of disappointment and heartbreak.
8) Another? Have I already gone thru’ that.. stuff? Um, don’t bug me, I came to play and you seem to be bent on harshing my buzz, which reminds me
9) very little that you forgot to put the Dambien in and it’s going go be after twoAM when we get done w/this exercise. Quit your
10) belly achin’ the pill’s in and Neil’s on. Ibetcha can’t name that tune. Yeah, sure I can, it’s JUST gonna take a minnit or few ’til the tit rolls
11) around. I think it’s prob’ly from the Living W/War thing.. Going Home. I think it’s from Broken Arrow. You’re
12) both wrong, it’s Going Home, but it’s from Are You Passionate. Wow, it doesn’t sound like the other songs on that disc @ all. Heh, aint that great. One more reason to like the man.
13) yeah. I know I’ve listened to ..Passionate about a zillion times for Don’t Tell and Mr Disappointment. And somehow got THAT sound all
14) associated w/the record.. so I didn’t recognize this tune, which I sorta clearly know, as being from that collection. Do you recognize that the fifteenth line is looming near?
15) Yeah, very near.. like, write up on the assembled us. So.. yeah, that was fun, it nearly always is and I reckon that’s why I keep doing it and
ding
and recommending it to others. And they seem NEVER to get it. Well, it’s likely an acquired taste, like the anticonvention and if you don’t do it a few times, then y’never acquire the taste for the wild and crazy funs found in or w/my toy.
You know what I want, now, doncha?
Yeah, you want to do the edit run and post this.
Wow, you know me so well. Why am I not surprised.
I think that was my line.
Oooh, there’s Annie & Eurhyhmics..The King and Queen of America. That is SUCH a good tune.. we two are one she sed.
Clint w/Cadillac Jack after the edit as I click the "post" button.. heh.. tit's Put Yourself in my Shoes. Hmmm.. nope, I'm pretty sure it's Cadilllac Jack Favor.
Well, must be somekinda odd ness IN the system.. rcnow it SAYS it's Rammble On Rose .. Great Dead, but it's clearly Brown Eyed Woman. I'm sooo not going to worry about it.

peace and hope
-km-

live spew

Of course that's a misnomer, this ISN"T live and it's been edited somewhat. I'll try.. okay, the intended opener was, like, It's her blog, she can do whatever she wants. That's the beauty of the format, eh. Ordinarily, this is NOT the way I'd generate a post for MY blog, but it seemed like the thing to do. I think I've set that lame excuse on four lines, @ least, thispm. Using it as a a behaviorial crutch waaaay too much. Chas called earlier, casting doubts on the probabilities of getting to NawLeans. Somehow, ibetcha we make it. I took a couple of days off from school. It's sort of a protest against the way fucked up plans around there tend to get even more fucked up once they're announced. It seemed like the thing to do @ the time. Today, it turned out to be an inspired decision since they cancelled school and had the kids gone by 930AM. It definitely would not have been worth the treacherous drive in. Thu is the day I'm the teaher of record for some testing kids and I expect to be there.. of course, w/the rain delay.. well, I'd rather not speculate about how the plan gets shifted or when that shift will be codified. As T Kennedy used to say, "We'll drive off that bridge when we come to it." I think I started sliding down the backside of my psychotic arc today.. after a mainly manic day yesterday. I was quite cross quite often w/my beloved spouse and found my'elf wondering HOW or WHY we ever got married. That sorta cogitation usually evokes Meatloaf's tune, "Waiting for the End of Time," or is it Praying for.. it doesn't matter, I heard the truck in the driveway and that'll be my cue to stop this for a relative while.
The girls are in but I think they're dashing back out to get some barbeque sauce to put on the stringy beef decomposing in the crock. Ewwww. Okay, that may NOT be an especially pleasing visual, but it IS chemically accurate. I made a big damn pot of chicken dumpings this afternoon. Kitchen funs for Ken. I like playing w/food. I do pretty much all the cooking around the house, and I havesince.. welll, always. Jen never HAD to learn hown to cook whereas I was a single guy w/a kitchen for a lot of years. God, I love my wife.
Um, did I do the "conversion" on Rabbit Chase? Does that question make sense to anyone but me? FYI, conversion refers to going BACK into something composed w/the anticonventional styling, which is "stridently w/out caps and punc" and inserting those familiar conventions, usually for a newbie reader. Rabbit Chase was one of the pair of docs I posted.. um it was one of the first things that went up after I got Txmi rounded up. She left a comment, suggesting that she'd read it, but it WAS kinda long and I sorta have doubts about whether it was read or or skimmed. Of COURSE there's a point to the wonder.. Rabbit Chase is a beautiful, eloquent, gut-wrenching bit of psychotic rambling that OUGHT to draw a comment. The other piece in that post, Crafty, well.. it's sort of a technical marvel, but it was one of those "assigned" writings I've mentioned. Uh,this is getting a bit long. Let's do the peon edit run and stick it @ the top of the post pile, eh.

peace and hope
-km-

homework

wait, wait.. I know what I want to do here; let's do a frame thingy. I invent some of the coolest toys for teaching and learning and for facilitating. The one I'm about to demonstrate is to keep the stream flowing.. or to -start- the stream flowing. I've made a document that's got a vertical line of numbers and the way it works izzat the typist drops into the #1 line, types for a minute and then uses the down arrow to drop into the #2 line and so on. Be sure to use the down arrow and not the enter (return) key. I figure you can type well enough to watch a clock mre than your fingers and that you have a clock w/a sweep second hand.. a digital second counter would work JUST as well. The length of the timing interval isn't important, I usually use one minute increments and neither is the number of lines in the frame, I've got frames for ten and fifteen minute timings; ten might be better for first-timers, especially if the IDEA of trying to keep it going for fifteen minutes is daunting.
I've done this @ both my sites before and put up blank frames, too. The blanks can be clipped and dropped onto a Word page. If you like the way this exercise runs out, you'll want to find a place to keep a clean spare so you don't have to regenerate or recapture another after using one.
I like the fifteen.
1) And I really like dark chocolate; I nearly always have some w/me. Today I had strawberries w/my dark chocolate kisses and they both were fonderful.
2) until JUST the past couple of months I was buying (well Jen was buying for me) the Hershey's big blocks and I'd break the blocks into the little
3) branded rectangles and the rectangles intothree pieces each to make a bag of chocolate nibbles and I loved playing w/the chocolate, it's such a nice sensory thing
4) w/the smell and the feel and the sound of the pieces breaking up. Jen, the master shopper, has found that the kisses are a better buy so that's what I'm carrying.
5) The kisses have a slightly different texture than or from the big block, I prefer the block; the kisses are creamier but they really
6) are fab w/the strawberries. They're fab anyway.. they melt so deliciously in my mouth.. especially w/that sip of hot coffee.. yeah, I *KNOW* how
7) to enjoy my candy. I don't eat a lot of candy, I'll share twice or three times as much as I eat, but hey, I've got it and.. well, it's NICE to share, isn't it. That's
8) not really a question. So, woddaya think about my cool toy? That one clearly IS a question. I have found that it does sort of engender more
9) topical discourse than I usually get from or through the stream. The thing for the newbie to recognize and something I sometimes have to remind
10) m'self of, izzat thisis NOT a race. it's not necessary or even desirable to try to make each set of numbers lines as long or longer than the one above it.
11) it's a tool, a toy, not a master. Try to have some fun w/it. crap, I'm being summoned I guess that was fun for about ten min.
12) dot dot dot.. I don't know how long it took to help Honey get her suitcase unpacked but coming back and knocking out the last three min of the timing seemed like the thing to do. I sorta have a fetish for
13) form and it really would bug me to leave this thing, um, this frame unfinished. I've done it before, but it was.. I think what happened was that there was a technical
14) problem w/the way the cursor was moving into the relative next line that drove me to distraction and caused me to abandon the fun after about ten or eleven lines. And I see that
15) I've eased into the fifteenth line. Yay! FYI, I pulled my formerly clean frame from a stack I keep @ the bottom of the em jour, oh nine.

And that's the way that goes. try it.. and I've got another li'l toy that's even more fun.. It'll take me a while to track it down, but I've got a haiku generator stowed @ A Muse. When I find it, I'll link you and I almost guarantee you'll have some fun w/that!

peace and hope
-km-

read your Ken

Try to be quick, hesed, or you'll lose that audience of one.
This'll count as a profile update for Txmich:
I teach HS..this year it's 9th and 10th graders and English. I hired on, um 13 or 14 years ago as a reading techer and stayed 'cause the school (deep in the'hood) felt so comfortable, much like a family and because I *KNEW* it was a place I could make a "real difference." But I brought 8 certifications and after five years sorta became the utility infielder. I've had a lot more English and social studies than reading assignments despite helping build a beautiful reading program (which has been gutted by the adminis them @ least trice). Still, I stay because I got too coomfortable. Tho' a lot of the family feeling is gone from the staff, I still love the kids, they never cange and I ALWAYS make a point of telling newbies that I've never met the bad kid.

Jen and I have been married for 25 years, that's more than half her life! She hasn't "had" to work since I started teaching, but she always made more more than me back in the days when we both worked. The perfect child, Hailey, is 15. For a lot of years inquiring minds wanted to know if/when we'd have another, the standard answer was that we got it right the first time. In truth, the fertility chase was simply too exhausting. Seriously, we were "too poor" to have children for the first ten years of our marriage and if Jen hadn't had such excellent benefits @ the job she then had, we might never have had this singular blessing. Jen quit work, quit smoking AND guided us thru' a bankruptcy while she was pregnant. I got fired, stayed mainly unemployed and undermined her trust for in the first year of Hailey's life.
I cite Kerouac, H S Thompson, and Vonnegut (and usually Ken Kesey) as literary influences, but consider Toni Morrison to be the greatest American writer; her Nobel, on the heels of Jazz, was ever so richly deserved. Neil Young is my main music guy, but I was raised on honky-tonk stuff and after kicking around small radio stations for about ten years, I buit a record collection of about 1500 titles that REALLY runs the gamut. Relative presently, it's Blood, Sweat, and Tears in the hedfones.. before that, I think it was Glen Campbell. And Led Zep follows BS&T.. gotta love the shufflin' MediaPlayer!

What else do you think you want to know? All y'hafta do is ask.


peace and hope
-km-

This Piece..

This Piece.. wow, FIRST it ran out of my pen.. mustabeen four years ago, since then I've posted it a couple of times @ A Muse, my LiveJournal site. It figures large in what I call the Personal Mythology. It's not AWFULLY long, a couple of pages, as saved in txt. The "intro" and dedication leading in.. well, I left that in because it seemed like the thing to do @ the time. It's the way I put it up the relative last time, tho' it looks a LOT different from any of of its previous incarnations.

I wanted to get this up and dedicate it to the gal crowd at the slashy Retreat in Orlando. ..as Ariel said, "the city, not the man." There's a story.. all y'hafta do is ask.
i was not ready for the perversity willow led me laughingly lovingly thru. analingus are you shitting me


I’ve decided to blame Willowwing for my embracing of slash. Oh, slash is homosmut. I managed to cling to my mock outrage for a year thru’ Aragorn and Legolas, in Price of Pride most notably, and several sundry vigorli pairings and Willow’s entertained me hugely in a couple of nonvigorli matches.. What a long strange trip it’s been.
Lessee, yeah.. it’s been about a year since I learned that slash, as a lit term, doesn’t mean the same thing as snuff. That’s an unfortunate association I’d formed; snuff is killing, slash is homosmut.
I’ve gone thru’ part of this account several times already.. how on the second or third visit to the elves and men site to read Price, I realized the the Lego/Arag pairing was indeed two males annised “eew, that's gotta be creepy.” Ha! Who woulda guessed that I’d get to be a fan? Well, not me.
Well, I say not me, but really I coulda should seen it coming when I found myself cheering for the coupling after twenty chapters of courtship.. annimean when the celebrated authoress put the oil on Legolas’ fingers I must say I sed, “whew, it’s about time!” Of course, y’know my official reaction was ew ew ew, tho’ obviously if it really bothered me, I would’ve stopped reading. Y’all know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Price.. yeah talkin’ ‘bout slash, hush yo’ mouth.
Sure, somethinglike that. My point, if in fact I had one, was that for a year I clung to a mock outrage over the male/male sex featured in Tess’ stories, then Nancy’s. Never mind that my fingerprints are all over their texts or that I, too, took a turn at writing slash. It was ew ew ew.. necessary, organic, inherent in the genre.. it was not fun. I mean, how could it be fun? It’s so creepy.. ew ew ew!
And even after I stated callin’ it “mock outrage,” I wasn’t comfortable admitting that I like the slashy elements of some of the stories.
This is why willow gets blamed.. or credited.. ‘cause she wrote -and this is the thing I find so surprising- the writers and readers of the slash in the particular fandom I’ve become familiar with.. damn, pick a string ..the fandom ..Willow ..fun..
Or not, ‘cause I’ve been holding the pen near the page and makin’ no tracks for a while. I think that the end of the slash fascination thread is blaming willow.. ‘cause she wrote the stories that made me admit that it WAS the descriptive groping, poking, moaning sex and not so much the way a storyline advanced that I liked.
Which is not to say that some of the stories.. Ah, don’t start lyin’ to us, Ken. Most of the stories were or are vehicles to move the slash, and that line will come back innabit to make a lie of “all about the work.”
I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen enough sex stories to know what I like. Um, no.. the whole thing is, tastes change. I’ve gotten some big grins from Tess and Nan by makin’ a big deal about being able to say I like their slash. And this is the other thing: all the writers, and most of the readers, of slash that I’m acquainted with are women. And.. and what? And I don’t know.. It’s been a couple of days since I started w/that “blame Willow” string. The general drift being that despite my dismay and misgivings about the Aragorn slash Legolas love affair in Price, Tess ..imean Ariel, wrote it so well that I bought into it completely and was, in fact, so comfortable with the notion that I cheered heartily when the excruciatingly long courtship was consummated in an exceedingly hot coupling and recoupling punctuated with tender caresses and the most delicious kisses I’ve ever read.
“Ew ew ew!” That’s the mock outrage and it’s served me very well, conveying my initial queasiness and continuing unease with my own cautious glee and lessay physical response to those exquisitely written and deliciously described male on male touches.
Whew.. and despite my persistent protests, I have to admit that I’ve gotten to be kind of a fan. Relative currently now there’s a ficlet from Willow that I’m anxious to read and it’s undoubtedly plotless, steamy homosmut. And it’s not a vigorli piece. That’s kinda significant ‘cause once I got used to the Arag/Lego pairing, and even ventured to write some of it myself.. I got introduced to Ariel’s Orlando-Viggo match and a fresh round of ew w/Paris Bound and then Fireworks and along came French Lessons, which took nearly forty chapters to get them bedded.. annigottatellya buddy, it was not an easy wait.
Oh yeah, the point.
I got used to Arag and Lego, then Vig and Orli, because I was sort of invested in the familiar characterizations.. and along came Willow. Whew, witty and hot, with a triad of tales from –her- vigorli universe.. bring in a couple of other nifty characters.. the humor, which is a hallmark of her style, so disarmed me I nearly forgot to get my “ew ew ew” into the comment box. Of course, by the time I read Shagging The Elf, the mock outrage was very much tongue in cheek. But by golly, I was NOT ready for the perversity Willow led me laughingly and lovingly thru’.. analingus, are you shitting me, give me a break.. then, slash me up baby.. actually THAT line prob’ly went into Nan’s comment box first.
And ew ew ew was officially supplanted by ooh ooh ooh. I’d been converted; sucked in by Ariel’s romance, ravished by Nan’s metaphors, and blown away by Willow’s laugh lines. Yep.. sucked, ravished, and blown.. Slash me up, baby!
Okay, that was fun. I’m guessin’ the transcription will be fun, too, and maybe yield big grins when it hits the LJ.

peace and hope
-km-

i'll come back to THIS

I s'pose that not many folk not wearing my pants realize HOW MUCH socalled time I spend writing.. prob'ly about as much as I do reading.. maybe more. Today, I've spent more time on the former. And I have a job I love (teaching). Oh yeah.. so I write. One of the "projects" I've been playing @ has been kinda hamstrung lately.. "blocked" as the edit THEY say in THEIR vernacular by trying to tell what I call my "albatross story."
The essence, which I must get set so I can get on w/the details of the telling, izzat five years ago, while working w/a colleague on one of her FABULOUS fics, I, um.. sort of fell in love w/the celebrated authoress. During the year-long completely sexless affair, there was never any unprofessional touching and, indeed, I rationalized my involvement w/the line, "it's all about the work." It wasn't. AND when she (and her husband) left the area, as we knew they would when work started on the fic.. the first of SEVERAL which I had the great joy of working w/her on.. um.. when she left, I sort of fell apart. Okay, "sort of fell apart" is kinda disingenuous. The separation anxiety in the wake of her departure (and my "guilt," which kept me from telling my sweet wife why I was suffering so..) brought on a crippling round of ultrafast rapid cycling. Running for weeks w/almost no sleep and finding my excrutiating/exhuberantly extended waking stretches punctuated irregularly by "crazily" manic DAMN this feels so great episodes and suddenly weepy why do I feel so bad moments. I was scaling the heights and plumbing the depths, sometimes, four or five times an HOUR. It didn't take awfully long to realize that I needed some serious help..which I sought and got. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Timing is EVERTHING. If I had waited as much a week before getting appropriately medicated, I could not have reported for work @ the the start of the relative next school year.. immean THINK about it.. facing a room fulla kids looking HARD for your weaknesses and ALL you can present is weakness and the fragility of a thin crust of shakily propped faked confidence. Nope.. couldn't do it, not and live to tell about it.

peace and hope
-km-