doldrum drama

This seems so bass ackwards. There's a reason I seldom compose into my blog spots, either the relative here or @ A Muse. Whatever I set in these spaces generally belongs in my journal; the converse is not as often true. But the clip works both ways and I -did- want to make certain that I got a post in, I haven't, for a while. I see from the MoodTracker that my bud, the maniac, hasn't been around for what seems like an extra specially long time. I've been et up w/the ennui and..

I guess that's not the worst thing in the world, but what it does it make me think I could ever so easily do a tiny tweak of the Depakote and ease back t'ward the mania I crave. Yeah.. crave. The ennui is awful, not deep enough to be depressed, too stable to call it brittle, it's too damn persistent. Persistent, like endless.. seems like I've felt this way forever and that I'll feel like this always. Not up. Not down. Not caring. Not surly about it, but resistant to efforts from outside to get out of the funk. There is, and can be no effort from me to effect a change.. that's the attraction of messin' w/the meds; it seems so simple.

On the plus side.. this is where I count my blessings, I s'pose, I've got THREE fics to edit! That's an attention-rich task that @ least distracts enough to keep me from wallowing and sometimes provides a weep which'll prompt SOMEKINDA mood swing.

peace and hope
-km-