imagine trying to act normally in such a condition

Yeah.. been playin' in the personal archives and found.. *this* If pressed, I could get a nearly reliable date for this piece since it was posted @ my LJ blog, A Muse.
Really and truly it's funny how shit worx out sometimes. Let's try to tell the story foremost on my mind, how this file, the rclatest, came to have such a long and telling tit: imagine trying to act normally in such a condition.

The short version is that's viot WORD presented, since it was the first string in the clip rcthen at the top of the new file. After a month or so of medicinal treatment for bipolar disorder, I finally started doing some reading on the subject. My Google search began w/depakote bipolar, the name of my prescribed med and the diagnosed disorder. From the search page I learned it's the number one med prescribed for bipolar AND epilepsy; yay, we're number ONE! My first click, really against my better judgment, was to a personal testimonial called Living with Depakote or something like that. It took me to a page.. a couple of pages.. where one afflicted woman decribed how a variety of meds (each on its own page) affected her. The Depakote page was interesting but not particularly enlightening, well, it did show me that there's yet another wordsmith out there prob'ly better at wordsmithin' than me.. she's certainly got a better descriptive style than mine, which is mainly absent. I clicked on her "previous page" which was Living with Tegretol, where I found a gem I absolutely couldn't resist clipping. Really, the context of being hypermanic is nearly inconsequential, the gem is that last sentence.. here's the clip:

Imagine trying to act normally in such a condition, much less fight an internal battle. But without the high dosage of Tegretol, I would have no control and I would destabilize. My choice was between a rock and a hard place. Or the frying pan and the fire. Or the Devil and the deep blue sea. Or no description and a cliché.

Yeah, I smacked my forehead w/my palm AND laughed out loud. Butt of course, I'm easily amused. Now I want to put it up on the eljay, sorta taking a break from Indelicate Obsession, which is getting no comments and is getting kinda hard for ME to read, as I do the trans.. tho' of course I find it hugely interesting and hafta wonder why I would EVER want to share that kinda stuff. Oh back to the foremost story. I did get back to more technical reading, sort of.. went to the ABOUT pages and clipped the symptomatology of manic and depressive stages.. and came away w/the thought "doesn't EVERYONE live like this?" Apparently not, 'cause the absence of joy in my life and the incredibly fast mood swings that sent me the dr were pretty much unbearable. Nevertheless, as a public service AND, doubtlessly, a copyright infringement here's the manic/depressive symptomatology:

Manic state or phase
Distractibility. This is the most common symptom and it is usually characterized by the inability to pay attention to any activity for very long.
Insomnia in mania typically means having high energy and requiring less sleep. (This differs from insomnia in depression, in which the patient has low energy plus an inability to sleep.)
Grandiosity. Patients with this symptom have an inflated sense of themselves, which, in severe cases, can be delusional. Close to 60% of all manic patients experience feelings of omnipotence. Sometimes they feel that they are godlike or have celebrity status.
Flight of ideas. Thoughts literally race.
Activity. An increase in intensity in goal-directed activities occurs, which is related to social behavior, sexual activity, work or school.
Speech. Excessive talking.
Thoughtlessness. Excessive involvement in high-risk activities is present (e.g., unrestrained shopping, promiscuity). Mood disturbance may be severe enough to damage one's job or social functioning or one's relationships with others, or which requires hospitalization to prevent harm to others or to the self.


Depressive state or phase

Sad mood.
Fatigue or loss of energy.
Sleep problems (insomnia, excessive sleeping, or shallow sleep with frequent awakenings).
Appetite changes (either an increase or decrease).
Diminished ability to concentrate or to make decisions.
Agitation or markedly sedentary behavior.
Feelings of guilt, pessimism, helplessness, or low self-esteem.
Loss of interest or pleasure in life.
Thoughts of, or attempts at, suicide.

I'll get back to posting IndObs sooner than any of us are ready.
-km-